I have a question for all you.....

[HX-Ridaz]

My wife graduated from college a year ago, and now that my Dab laus (uncle....her brother), is graduating, my in-laws want to throw them a party. The party will not only be for them but other cousins that are graduating also......what I'm trying to say is that a bunch of them(uncles, and aunties) will be joining in on this party to celebrate for the graduates.

My question is that they didn't ask me if I wanted to join them on this......they called my father and asked him if he would approve of them doing something like this for my wife. As their son-in-law do you think I have the right to be offended by this? They rather ask my dad about this then me? She's my wife, I should be able to make the calls. My wife and I talked about this before and we said that we didn't care for this hmong ceremony. She's their daughter but she's my wife.....If I say I don't want anything to do with the celebration, do you think it would be right? We already celebrated her graduation by going on a big vacation! Now the in-laws want to do something for her on there own......after a year has past........do you think that their invading my space, and trying to over throw what I can and cannot do? Well what I think is that since I didn't do a graduation party for their daughter they feel they have to include her since they are doing it for her brother. What do you guys think......I'm against this whole thing.......if they want to do it they can do it on there own......she's my wife and its my call, not her parents! Do you guys agree with me, or am I just the son-law everyone hates! This whole thing is starting to piss me off.

[lee0149]

L0L, if you blow them off things will get worst...rumor will spread, by the time you hear the rumor its going to be about how you dont love your wife,you didnt do anything for her graduation, and that you hate them all.

if it was me, just do it. free food, free money!

good lucky

[HX-Ridaz]

Hey they already say I don't love their daughter....you know all the bull shit in-laws talk about. Don't get me wrong......I do love her, but its getting outta line when they don't ask me and they ask my father. I have alot of pride dude....so I honestly don't agree with their crap!

[YaajStylez]

The situation reminds me of my older bro...

I would even admit I'd feel the same way if I was in the same situation...

But hey... what more can we do... go with the flow?... Fuck it?... I don't know... since you're already in the situation... it will be hard to do anything anyway... yet... It's obvious to feel awkward/hate in the moments because of those BS's...

[jman]

Have your wife talk to her parents, explaining it to them that she'd like to be excluded. Make it seem like its the brother's day and she doesn't want to steal his thunder. You'll be there to support him though. If you talk to them it will just bring up more questions.

[HX-Ridaz]

Well.....I can kind of tell my wife wouldn't mind something like this from her parents. We talked about it a couple of days ago and she was telling me maybe its their gift to her. I'm like whatever.......why don't they just give you monetary gifts.....instead of this......maybe they just feel bad leaving you out if they did this for you brother......plus your with me now so its my call......your not your parents so called daughter........they don't make the calls for you.......I do! To me, I feel like the parents are invading my space......they should just back off, and leave it to me. Also one thing that bothers me is that the in-laws didn't even bother to ask me........they ask my dad instead.......WHAT ASSHOLES! Yal can tell, the in-laws and I don't really have a good relationship. They always think I don't love their daughter......I don't visite......you know the whole shebang. I have my reasonings for everthing I do. This whole thing started out bad......way back when we were first dating(my wife)........and now thats why everything is not always so smooth. I wonder if anyone is in the same shoes as I am?! Also my wife's family is traditional so they always like that whole hmong gathering and doing that traditional stuff. They got tons of relatives where we live so they enjoy every bit of it......and like I'm telling you.......I'm sick of all that shit!

[yangsTa]

Let it go man.. its her family doing something for her..

[lee0149]

if you want to piss the shit out of them then dont do it, but if you want to a happy ended then you will have to follow the flow and have the party.

[apac303]

LOL...trust me, I will be in the same shoes one day! Yes, it's your wife but your wife still loves her Ma and Pa! If it makes her happy, she'll make you happy

[YaajStylez]

But they need to understand a man's pride also...

It needs respect both ways...

[HX-Ridaz]

Hell yeah.....they need to understand she has my last name and she's mine now so what I do and call should be the right decision. For all yal that are married, remember what those old folks tell you when you get married at your wedding.....(she is being handed over to you from her parents .......so from then on your responsible for her.......yal remember that!) And yeah.....I got PRIDE, so what they think they are doing is offensive to me! My father-in-law should of asked me instead of my father. I'm married to his dame daughter.....don't yal think its so rude, and disrespectful for him to ask my dad instead of me? Anyone......or yal think it was okay, and right for him to do that?

[davidnobody]

Whaever the reason might be.. you need to understand that this party is for your wife and HER accomplishments. Leave all the politics behind. It's not about you dude! Seriously, you would like everything to be about you but its not. It's your wifes accomplishments and she deserves it.
Maybe your inlaw knows you're a prick thats why they asked your dad instead of asking you.
it's 2010, the time of "she has my last name and she's mine now so what I do and call should be the right decision" is over dude. Get over it.

[davidnobody]

"she has my last name and she's mine now so what I do and call should be the right decision"

i would also like to add, if you had a daughter and her boyfriend/husband had your mindset, would you like him?

Think about it, you raise your daughter to be independent, smart, strong, social, etc.. all the good qualities.. then your daughter marries a prick and now he controls her.. how would you feel if that was your daughter? How would you feel if a stranger guy controlled your little girl like that?

[davidnobody]

Oh, also, if you're 60 years old then i'll understand because you come from the old country.

[YaajStylez]

Originally Posted by davidnobody

"she has my last name and she's mine now so what I do and call should be the right decision"

i would also like to add, if you had a daughter and her boyfriend/husband had your mindset, would you like him?

Think about it, you raise your daughter to be independent, smart, strong, social, etc.. all the good qualities.. then your daughter marries a prick and now he controls her.. how would you feel if that was your daughter? How would you feel if a stranger guy controlled your little girl like that?

I definitely wouldn't like that... but if she's with him.. she's with him..... You can't do anything much but to accept them BOTH regardless, or get nothing at all (put them both to the side)...

But then again... yuppers... everyone sees and feels differently...

[HX-Ridaz]

Anyways, my father mentioned to my in-laws that were probably not going to do it. I believe if I don't agree with what they're doing, it shouldn't be a problem. I guess the party will just be for the Uncles(dab laus)! Like I said before they should have asked me instead of my dad. Davidnobody......I understand where your coming from, and yeah they probably do think I'm a PRICK, but still there's a line you shouldn't cross!! If they wanted to throw her a party they should've done it a year ago when she graduated....not now....a year after! DAVIDNOBODY......its not about control its about respect......I'm the son-in-law respect my boundaries......don't try to do something I don't approve......and then again like YAAjsTyle said.......SHE'S WITH ME......LET IT BE!! Yal can tell the in-laws and I don't have a good relationship huh? I have my opinions on them and I know they have theirs on me......but then again, things like this happen!